Musa's Ramadhan Diary

BETWEEN HOPE AND FEAR
By Musa Caplan

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Musa Caplan is a 15-year-old Jewish boy who converted to Islam. He's sharing his experience of his first Ramadan with us in a Ramadan Diary.
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Asalamu `alaykum!
My name is Musa, and I am only 15 years old. I have recently reverted to Islam (ma sha' Allah ) and this will be my first Ramadan.

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I have mixed emotions: One side of me is excited, the other side of me is terrified. I do not think actually fasting will be my problem, but rather hiding it from my family and friends. I have not yet told my parents of my reversion and although I do wish to, it seems near impossible for me. I have approached them many times about this, and as soon as I am ready to expose my true beliefs, my mouth refuses to open.
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Although I am so proud and glad to be a Muslim, I am almost ashamed to tell my parents. I feel they will be very disappointed considering they have this image of me being a more religious Jew than they are.

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I go to a Jewish school right now, and it surely will not be an easy Ramadan for me. There are several Jewish holidays which fall during the month of Ramadan, one which requires eating before sundown! I assume that will cause a major problem for me. My best plan is to pretend being sick. Also, my friends will all ask why I am not eating in school.
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As of now, my plan is to wake up before Fajr Prayer's time, eat a large breakfast, then pray. Then I will convince my family to eat later (in sha' Allah ), after sundown. I will tell my friends I have decided to eat breakfast, then lunch after I return home from school, and dinner a bit later. I assume it will be difficult on weekends considering my relatives prefer to eat early — around 5:00 p.m., and we eat with them nearly every week.
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I pray for Allah to help me in my times of need. And if Allah wills it, Allah will forgive me if I am unable to keep my fast, for Allah knows my intentions! And I pray for Him to strengthen mine, as well as everyone's faith!

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Extracted from Islamonline.net